Pre-divorce Checklist

Pre-Divorce Checklist  for North Carolina

What You Should Do and Not Do Before a Divorce

1. Find The Right Confidante

Find some who is wise and experienced. It doesn't need to be someone who has gone through a divorce, but it should be some seen a divorce unfold up close. You must be able to trust this person with your life. Having a wise counselor/ friend who can stay emotionally detached from your situation will give you a clearer perspective. Also, this confidante must not be a "yes man." He or she must be willing to tell you the cold hard truth in a compassionate way, even if it's not what you want to hear. Make this choice wisely, it could save a lot of heartaches or could make things worse if you choose the wrong person. If you cannot come up with the right person to confide in, then move down to step 3.
2. Zip your lips.

Keeping quiet about it isn't going to be easy. It's a major life decision, and it will likely consume your thoughts. Be careful about the emails and text messages that you send. It has been said that the "e" in email stands for evidence. Anything that can leave a paper trail or spending trail related to unusual behavior could come back to haunt you. To clarify this point, if you haven't been legally separated yet, then you shouldn't be hanging out in parts of town that are not near your home or work. 

3. Consider Counseling First
 
When you are having a tough time in a marriage is very easy to miss the forest for the massive tree right in front of you. It's easy to forget the good times and things that brought you together in the first place. Marriage can recover and even become stronger than ever before. Even if you are 100% sure that you want out, a good counselor plus the right family lawyer can help pave the way for a better result for all. Navigating these waters with the help of seasoned professionals can ease the stress and potential emotional damage on the children and spouses.

Learn more about divorce in North Carolina

4. Don't Move Out, Keep things Calm

Unless you are in a truly dire situation, that borders on abuse, try to keep tensions down. There are things that need to be taken care of before you leave your home. If you know that certain things trigger a fight, try to steer clear. If you are in a dangerous situation, then seek out help immediately and get to safety.
5. Get Legal Counsel from a Family Law Practice
 
Before you take action, please get counsel from a Law Office that focuses on family law in your state. Divorce is a multifaceted and complicated legal process. This is not the time to be thrifty and try to save a few dollars. In fact you will likely end up losing more of your assets if you wade into these waters without a clear plan. 

A legal team will know all the pieces of the chess board, the moves right in front of you and the ones that will come later on. Our website has helpful resources on all these pieces, including alimony, equitable distribution, child custody/support, legal separation, and other topics that will help you grasp the basics. However, the truth is that each of these topics has their own set of paperwork and procedures that require legal guidance.

Now is the time to take action & get some help.

6. Be careful with communications moving forward.

Most of your passwords are auto-saved now. If you are going to be communicating via email, you want to have an account on a device that your spouse can't access. Some people do a lot of messaging on social media channels. Be extremely wary of what could be possibly viewed or shared. 
 
If you need to receive snail mail, consider having it sent to your confidante or opening a P.O. Box. Be careful with your phone. Make sure that it is password protected and that email alerts are not popping up on your screen. It is important to note that in North Carolina it's not a crime to dig into your spouse's stuff while you are still living together.
7. Secure Sentimental Stuff

Some things are irreplaceable such as personal items that mean a lot and that you don't want to jeopardize. Removing your important personal things will keep you from losing them in the case that you have to leave your home quickly. Take the time to remove some of these items from your home and put them in a safe place at work or with a friend. Taking digital images of pictures throughout your home is also a good idea. All of these things must be done with care in a way that doesn't arouse suspicion. 

Disclaimer: Do not proceed with the following step unless you are sure that you are going to proceed with a divorce. If your spouse finds out that you are setting up new bank accounts, things will likely escalate quickly and hostility will increase.


8. Bank Accounts and Assets

"Everyone get's funny when it comes to the money."

Hopefully you didn't skip step number 5 "Get Legal Counsel from a Family Law Practice." Your lawyer will help you navigate the money related issue that are going to come with divorce in North Carolina. From opening a separate bank account to how to handle your current bank situation and debts. Your attorney can help with getting an injunction to prevent your assets from being disposing. You may want to print and secure bank records at a location outside your home. Most banks have online access to do this quickly, however, there will likely be a notification email that could look suspicios, so tread carefully here.


Summary

Going through this process isn't going to be easy, this isn't the time to be a "lone ranger." You are going to need some help along the way from family, friends, and professionals. Here at Russell Family Law & Litigation we are here to help you. We provide a compassionate approach to helping you make sound decisions that will help you have a healthy outcome. Contact us went you are ready to take the next step.
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Getting Started

If you are wondering how long the divorce process is going to take or how much the trial will cost you, please do not hesitate to schedule a consultation at our Wilmington Office. Our office is located at 1015 Ashes Drive, Suite 104, Wilmington. We can help you map out the details of your divorce, giving you a powerful defense. Please call to schedule a consultation.
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