Dating During Divorce

Pros and Cons of During While Going Through a Divorce

Should You Date During Divorce?

When divorce experts are asked whether dating during the divorce proceedings is a good idea, their answer is a unanimous no. In fact, they don’t just recommend waiting until the divorce is finalized but also staying single for a year afterward. That way, both you and your former spouse will have enough time to process this change emotionally.

Despite the advice, many people do begin to date at this stage. Of course, the decision is entirely up to you, but you should be aware of the potential legal consequences. Even if your relationship is not adulterous in nature, your spouse could present it as such, adding fault grounds to your filing in certain states. That, in turn, could affect the property distribution and alimony amount later during the process.

So, if you have been dating or having an adulterous relationship, it’s best to put that on hold during the proceedings. If it’s meant to be, it will survive, and you can resume it once the air is clear again. Otherwise, the divorce might take a serious toll on your finances.

Potential Consequences of Dating During Divorce

1. Slower and More Expensive Divorce

Divorces are typically unpleasant and emotionally charged and should be resolved as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done, especially when one side feels they have been slighted in some way. And openly dating during divorce can cause precisely such feelings in your soon-to-be former spouse.

Remember — you moving on doesn’t mean that your spouse has. They still could be emotionally attached to you and may become angry or jealous if they discover you are dating. That may cause them to purposefully work against you during the divorce, prolonging the process and increasing expenses. Consider carefully if you should reveal your new relationship and whether dating so soon is genuinely worth it.

2. Children Could Struggle With Accepting the New Situation

Divorce is never easy on children, but bringing a new person into their lives can make the situation more complicated. If your children notice you’re moving on too quickly, they might resent you for that or feel you are to blame for the end of the marriage. You also shouldn’t expect them to accept your new companion — in their eyes, that person is just as guilty as you.

On the other hand, they might get along with your new partner wonderfully, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. If your relationship doesn’t last, your children will lose another person they formed a bond with. And if that comes soon after the divorce, it will be quite a serious blow.

3. A More Difficult Position When Negotiating Finances

A new relationship may affect your standing during financial negotiations, especially if it involves living with another person. If you’re asking for support from your former spouse, you’ll need to justify your financial needs, and that will be more difficult to do when you’re sharing expenses with someone else. That doesn’t mean you’ll get no financial support, but it’s likely to be lower than if you were living alone.

On the other hand, if your spouse demands you pay the alimony, the amount might be higher if you live with another person. The logic behind it is similar — you share your household expenses with your significant other and are thus able to pay more to your ex or for child support. 

4. You Might Receive Less Parenting Time

When deciding on a child custody arrangement, the court will likely invite a specialist to evaluate your relationship with your children. This person won’t have any information about you aside from what they see on the spot. Therefore, you’ll want to present your bond in the best possible light.

Unfortunately, if you’re dating during divorce, the bond with your children might be temporarily damaged. They might show discomfort around you and your new partner. That will, in turn, affect the amount of parenting time the court awards you.

In addition, some experts might consider your decision to date questionable in itself and wonder whether it shows your lack of regard for your children and their feelings. Thus, you need to think carefully about how your decision to date will affect your parenting rights.

Final Thoughts

If you decide to date despite all the potential consequences, do so discreetly and don’t involve your children too early. That way, you’ll avoid issues in negotiations, possible heartbreak, and damaged relationships with your children. Still, just as experts say, it might be better to wait until you’re fully independent and separated from your former spouse before dating.