The Definitive Guide to Gray Divorce

Russell Family Law & Litigation • July 5, 2018

The Issues Surrounding Divorcing After 50

Gray Divorce upset woman

What is “Gray Divorce”?
“Gray Divorce” is a phrase that refers to a divorce involving people over 50 years old and are generally part of the Baby Boomer generation. In this helpful guide, I will discuss and unravel some of the important issues surrounding Gray Divorce. While there has been a reduction in overall divorce rates in the past 20 years, the divorce rate of people aged over 50 has doubled in this time. The increase in older divorces was given the unfortunate term of Gray Divorce.

Origins of the Gray Divorce
Around a quarter of all the divorces in 2010 involved couples that were aged 50 or older, which is double the divorce rate for this age group from 1990. These statistics have led to some people coning the term “Gray Divorce”, and also created a need for middle-aged and older people to gain a better understanding of the unique issues associated with divorcing at an older age.

Understanding Gray Divorce
It can be complicated to end a marriage later in life. Most couples won’t be prepared for the practical considerations and unique legal issues there are for older people, and that can be daunting, to say the least. The financial implications, in particular, are far-reaching and may significantly impact the rest of the lives of both spouses.

The most concerning issues of Gray Divorce are insurance, healthcare, retirement savings, business interests, estate planning, social security, and taxes. This guide has been put together to offer some insight into those issues for people who are older and are considering or dealing with, a divorce.

Unhappy Couple Gray Divorce

Why do People Get Divorced Later in Life?

Each divorce has unique circumstances, but there are several trends that contribute to the Gray Divorce phenomenon.

- Divorce Repeating Itself
Second, third, or even fourth marriages are not uncommon when it comes to baby boomers, and these marriages tend to be less successful. The divorce rate for people over fifty who have been married more than once is over twice as high as those who were married just the once. Remarried people over 64 years old have been shown to have a divorce rate of nearly four times that of people who have only been married once.

- Postponed Divorces
Many couples choose to stay together for the sake of their children. Couples may want to get a divorce but will wait until their children have grown up. They aren’t satisfied with the marriage, but they wait until the children have been raised to do something about it.

- Empty Nesters
Some other married couples find that their marriage isn’t strong enough to survive once their children grow up and leave the house.

- Retirement
When someone retires, it causes a dramatic lifestyle shift that can negatively affect a marriage. Some retired couples discover that spending more time together doesn’t bring them more happiness, or that their personal interests in retirement don’t match up and they are just no longer compatible.

- Financial Reasons
Many people will wait until they have financial stability to get a divorce. This is most common with women, but the times may be changing. Women aged between 40 and 69 are the ones initiating a divorce 66% of the time. This could be a sign that women in this age range are more financially independent than before, or just feel it.

- General Dissatisfaction
The general attitudes to divorce are becoming more relaxed than ever. With more people getting divorced, holding off retirement, and living longer, it may simply be that people aged over 50 that are dissatisfied with their marriage find it easier than before to go through with a divorce.

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Gray Divorce Unhappy Couple Over 50

The Issues Surrounding Divorcing After 50

This guide will look at some of the unique considerations for divorcing later in life. This includes several important issues, including:
• Retirement
• Income and Spousal Support
• Social Security
• Insurance
• Division of Assets
• Competency
• Adult Children
• Long-Term Considerations
• Long-Term Care
• Estate planning
The following is a quick reference guide to these unique issues surrounding Gray Divorce that need to be considered.

1 Retirement
Divorcing close to retirement can leave each spouse having a less comfortable retirement once everything has been settled. Perhaps you need to access retirement funds early. You may have to make decisions about increasing retirement savings, delaying retirement, or having a different lifestyle than expected after retiring.

2 Income and Spousal Support
When marriages end, especially long-term marriages, there will be issues surrounding income. How are spouses going to maintain income streams? Will they be expected to join the workforce, paying/receiving spousal support as alimony, or splitting a fixed income for retirees?

3 Social Security
There are some cases where spouses are entitled to benefits based on the social security of their spouse, depending on the income of each spouse and how long the marriage lasted for. Getting remarried stops spousal social security benefits.

4 Insurance
When it comes to Gray Divorce, the age of the people involved will cause issues around health and life insurance that must be addressed. That includes the ability of individuals to afford their health insurance. It may be possible to remain on a spouse’s health insurance plan by going through a legal separation rather than a divorce.

5 Division of Assets
A divorce later in life will generally involve more significant assets. Dividing property, both community, and separate property, is subject to a number of considerations that are unique to the issue of Gray Divorce. This includes how close the individuals are to retirement, how long they were married, and other factors.

6 Competency
The older people get, the greater the chance that competency is something that will affect their ability to represent their individual best interests. In these situations, an attorney or court may want to have a competency period and put together measurements to protect the rights of people that are found to be not competent.

7 Long-Term Considerations
The issues surrounding aging, such as dealing with long-term care and preparing for last wishes, should be considered for a Gray Divorce. It’s recommended you keep your estate plan updated before, during, and after the divorce. It’s also recommended that you plan the costs and provisions of long-term medical care if necessary.

I hope this article has been been helpful in clarifying some of the issues related to Gray Divorce. Please let me know what you think or if you have any questions.

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How are 529 Plans Handled in Divorce?

March 24, 2025
A 529 Plan, which owes its name to Section 529 of the Internal Revenue Code, is a tax-advantaged savings account that is designed to be used for the education expenses of the beneficiary. It is very common that parents create such an account to save for their child’s college education. So, what happens to such an account when the parents decide to divorce? 529 Plans , like other savings and investment accounts, are property. As such, in North Carolina, 529 Plans are dealt with during equitable distribution proceedings. During such a proceeding, the court will classify the parties’ property as one of three categories – marital, divisible, and separate – and then distribute the marital and divisible property among the parties. Thus, the treatment of the 529 Plan will depend upon how the plan is classified. N.C. Gen. Stat. 50-20 defines marital, separate, and divisible property as follows: Marital Property : “all real and personal property acquired by either spouse or both spouses during the course of the marriage and before the date of the separation of the parties, and presently owned, except property determined to be separate property or divisible property.” Separate Property : “all real and personal property acquired by a spouse before marriage or acquired by a spouse by devise, descent, or gift during the course of the marriage. However, property acquired by gift from the other spouse during the course of the marriage shall be considered separate property only if such an intention is stated in the conveyance. Property acquired in exchange for separate property shall remain separate property regardless of whether the title is in the name of the husband or wife or both and shall not be considered to be marital property unless a contrary intention is expressly stated in the conveyance. The increase in value of separate property and the income derived from separate property shall be considered separate property. All professional licenses and business licenses which would terminate on transfer shall be considered separate property.” Divisible Property : “all real and personal property as set forth below: All appreciation and diminution in value of marital property and divisible property of the parties occurring after the date of separation and prior to the date of distribution, except that appreciation or diminution in value which is the result of postseparation actions or activities of a spouse shall not be treated as divisible property. All property, property rights, or any portion thereof received after the date of separation but before the date of distribution that was acquired as a result of the efforts of either spouse during the marriage and before the date of separation, including, but not limited to, commissions, bonuses, and contractual rights. Passive income from marital property received after the date of separation, including, but not limited to, interest and dividends. Passive increases and passive decreases in marital debt and financing charges and interest related to marital debt.” Given these definitions, the classification and distribution of a 529 Plan will depend upon how and when it is created and funded. What is most important to note is that the court will not award the 529 Plan to the child, as the child is not a party to their parents’ divorce. Further, while the court may consider the purpose of the 529 Plan when making an “equitable” distribution of the parties’ property, the court will not totally disregard the value of the 529 Plan when distributing property among the parties simply because it is intended for the benefit of their child. However, the parties may take such considerations into account when negotiating a potential settlement between one another. If you are considering divorce or engaged in, or anticipate being engaged in, an equitable distribution proceeding, call our office today to schedule a consultation with an experienced family law attorney.

Do North Carolina Courts Consider Marital Misconduct?

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North Carolina is considered to be a “no-fault” divorce state, meaning that a couple need not show cause or some wrongdoing in order to obtain a divorce. However, marital misconduct does play a role with regard to the issue of alimony in North Carolina. In determining the amount, duration, and manner of payment of alimony, the Court must consider a variety of factors as laid out in N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-16.3A(b). This statute lists 16 factors which the court will consider when determining the issue of alimony . One of the most often discussed and litigated of these factors is marital misconduct. N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-16.1A defines marital misconduct as follows: ‘Marital misconduct’ means any of the following acts that occur during the marriage and prior to or on the date of separation: Illicit sexual behavior. For the purpose of this section, illicit sexual behavior means acts of sexual or deviate sexual intercourse, deviate sexual acts, or sexual acts defined in G.S. 14-27.20(4), voluntarily engaged in by a spouse with someone other than the other spouse; Involuntary separation of the spouses in consequence of a criminal act committed prior to the proceeding in which alimony is sought; Abandonment of the other spouse; Malicious turning out-of-doors of the other spouse; Cruel or barbarous treatment endangering the life of the other spouse; Indignities rendering the condition of the other spouse intolerable and life burdensome; Reckless spending of the income of either party, or the destruction, waste, diversion, or concealment of assets; Excessive use of alcohol or drugs so as to render the condition of the other spouse intolerable and life burdensome; Willful failure to provide necessary subsistence according to one's means and condition so as to render the condition of the other spouse intolerable and life burdensome.

Navigating Holiday Stress During Divorce: Tips for Families

December 5, 2024
The holiday season is a time traditionally associated with joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for families going through a divorce, it can also be a time of heightened stress and emotional challenges. Managing these stressors effectively can help everyone involved – especially children – navigate this season with as much peace and stability as possible. Here are some common holiday stressors families experience during a divorce and practical strategies to address them: 1. Financial Pressures Divorce often brings financial changes that can make the holidays feel especially strained. Gift-giving, travel, and hosting events can add up quickly. Solution: Set a Budget: Be realistic about what you can afford this year. Focus on creating meaningful experiences rather than overextending financially. Free/low-cost experiences could include going to a holiday parade, going for a walk downtown or a drive around town to view the holiday lights, or taking the kids to the local mall or a store to visit Santa (or even the Grinch at some locations, such as the Cotton Exchange). Communicate with Co-Parent: Discuss gift budgets and avoid competitive or extravagant gift-giving, as this can create tension or unrealistic expectations for the children. 2. Emotional Strain on Children Holidays can amplify a child’s sense of loss or confusion about their family dynamics, especially if traditions are changing. Solution: Prioritize Consistency: Whenever possible, maintain familiar traditions to provide a sense of stability. Introduce new traditions as a way to create positive memories in this new chapter. Open Communication: Reassure your children that it’s okay to express their feelings and let them know both parents are committed to making the holidays special for them. 3. Loneliness or Isolation For people going through a divorce, the first holiday following separation can feel especially lonely and isolating. It’s normal to grieve the loss of how things used to be. Solution: Lean on Support Systems: Spend time with friends, family, or community groups that provide comfort and connection. Focus on Self-Care: Use this time to rest, reflect, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. 4. Co-Parenting Tensions The holidays can sometimes exacerbate underlying tensions between co-parents, particularly if communication is strained or agreements are unclear. Solution: Keep Communication Businesslike: Focus on logistics rather than rehashing old conflicts. Tools like co-parenting apps, such as Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents, can help keep interactions clear and professional. Put the Children First: Decisions should always prioritize what’s best for the children, even if it requires compromise. 5. Managing Extended Family Expectations Extended family members may have their own opinions or pressures about how holidays “should” look, which can complicate matters further and exacerbate holiday stress. Solution: Set Boundaries: Be clear with family members about your plans and priorities. Gently but firmly remind them that the focus is on creating a positive experience for your immediate family and avoiding negative talk about the other party or your current situation. Include Supportive Relatives: If possible, involve family members who can help diffuse stress and provide stability during this transitional time. If you are going through a divorce this holiday season and need legal representation, please contact our office to set a consultation with one of our family law attorneys.
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Co-parenting

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Co-parenting is crucial to ensure that children continue to receive the love, support, and guidance they need from both parents despite the parents’ separation or divorce. By working together, parents can create a stable and nurturing environment that fosters the emotional and psychological well-being of their children. Effective co-parenting helps children adjust to change, reduces feelings of insecurity, and promotes healthy development. It also models positive conflict resolution and cooperation, providing a strong foundation for children’s future relationships. Ultimately, co-parenting prioritizes the best interests of the children, helping them thrive despite the family restructuring. Successful co-parenting after separation or divorce requires open communication, mutual respect, and a focus on the well-being of the parties’ children. To best ensure the success of a co-parenting relationship, it is crucial to keep discussions child-focused, and avoid negative talk about the other parent in front of the children. Flexibility and willingness to compromise are key, as well as seeking professional help if conflicts arise that cannot be resolved independently. Prioritizing the children’s emotional and physical needs will help ensure a positive co-parenting experience. Here is a list of ideas for potential resources that may help co-parents manage and support their children’s well-being while navigating the changing family structure:  Books for Children Age-appropriate books explaining separation and divorce Stories that help children understand and cope with their feelings Therapists and Counselors Child psychologists for children’s emotional and mental health Family therapists specializing in co-parenting dynamics Support Groups for Children Peer support groups for children of divorced parents In-person and online groups providing a safe space for children to share their experiences School counselors and social workers providing support and guidance Mobile Apps Apps designed to help children understand and manage their emotions Co-parenting apps with features to ensure both parents stay informed about their child’s activities and needs Books and Guides for Parents Manuals on how to support children through the transition Guides focusing on effective communication with children post-separation Guides focusing on effective communication with your child’s other parent Podcasts and Videos Podcasts offering advice on supporting children’s mental health during divorce YouTube channels with content aimed at helping children cope with family changes
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